The Millbrook Herald, serving the community of Millbrook (population 847) for over 60 years, announced this week that it has officially exhausted all possible news stories within the town limits and will begin recycling headlines from 1987.
Editor-in-Chief Margaret Fieldstone confirmed that after covering Tuesday’s thrilling story about Mrs. Henderson’s prize-winning tomatoes for the fourth consecutive year, her newsroom of two reporters had reached what she called “peak small-town journalism.” The paper’s archives now include comprehensive coverage of every pothole repair, church bake sale, and high school volleyball game victory in town history.
“We’ve covered the opening of the new stop sign on Elm Street three times from different angles,” said Fieldstone, shuffling through a stack of nearly identical front pages. “Last month we ran a two-part investigative series on why the library’s magazine rack squeaks. At this point, we’re considering launching a foreign correspondent position to cover news from the Dairy Queen in the next town over.”
The Herald’s most recent edition featured a front-page exposé titled “Local Man Switches From Regular to Decaf Coffee, Community in Shock,” which sources confirm was actually a reprint from their 1994 archives with the names changed. Circulation remains steady at 12 subscribers, all of whom are related to the newspaper’s staff.