Local Woman’s Instagram Story Views Drop by Three, Declares Social Media ‘Dead to Her’
A Portland woman has sworn off social media forever after experiencing a catastrophic three-person drop in her Instagram story viewership.
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Local Woman’s Instagram Story Viewed by Coworker She Hasn’t Spoken to in 3 Years Sparks International Diplomatic Crisis
A workplace reaches diplomatic crisis levels after a coworker views an Instagram story despite years of complete silence.
Local Woman’s Instagram Story About Making Coffee Receives More Engagement Than Most Presidential Addresses
A woman’s simple Instagram story about making morning coffee has attracted more viewers than most major news broadcasts, launching her to unexpected internet stardom.
Local Woman’s Instagram Story Views Drop to 47, Emergency Therapy Session Scheduled
A Portland woman faces an existential crisis after her Instagram story views plummet to a devastating 47, prompting immediate professional intervention.
Local Man’s Instagram Story About Making Toast Receives More Views Than Educational Documentary He Shared Last Week
A Portland man’s mundane breakfast preparation video massively outperformed his attempt to share meaningful educational content, highlighting the peculiar priorities of social media audiences.