MAPLETON — Area farmer Russell Higgins, 54, reported experiencing what he describes as ‘a profound spiritual awakening’ Tuesday after spending six uninterrupted hours speaking to his cornfield about his marriage, his mortgage, and whether or not the Denver Broncos would ever be good again.
Higgins, who initially began talking to the crops as a joke after reading an article claiming that vocal encouragement boosts plant growth, says the practice quickly evolved into something closer to therapy. ‘At first I was just saying, ‘grow, babies, grow,’ real basic stuff,’ Higgins explained. ‘But by hour three I was telling row fourteen about how my father never told me he was proud of me. Row fourteen gets it. Row fourteen doesn’t judge.’
Agricultural extension officer Deborah Kwan confirmed that while there is minimal scientific evidence supporting improved yields from talking to crops, there is growing evidence that isolated farmers are increasingly using cornfields as unlicensed therapists. ‘We’re seeing this more and more,’ Kwan said. ‘Soybeans, wheat, it doesn’t matter — if it doesn’t talk back and can’t leave, apparently it counts as a support system now.’
Higgins’ wife, Darlene, said she first noticed something was different when she found her husband kneeling in the field at 2 a.m., whispering. ‘I asked if he was praying,’ she said. ‘He said no, he was ‘catching up with the guys.’ I didn’t ask which guys. I’ve learned not to ask.’ Higgins says he now visits the field daily and plans to expand his conversations to the barn animals, adding, ‘The goats already know more about my student loans than my accountant does.’
As of press time, Higgins was reportedly asking a particularly tall stalk near the fence line for advice on whether to refinance his tractor.
