Local Man Achieves Inner Peace After Realizing His Opinions Don’t Need To Be Posted
A local man stuns friends and family by going nearly two weeks without broadcasting a single unsolicited opinion online.
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Local Celebrity Hires Team of 14 to Help Him Appear Relatable on Social Media
A Hollywood actor has hired a 14-person team to help him seem more relatable online, including a specialist in casual typos and a consultant for ‘authentic’ coffee orders.
Local Man Achieves Nirvana After Posting Story No One Viewed
A local man briefly transcends social media anxiety after a sunset story goes unviewed for twelve blissful hours.
Local Woman Achieves Inner Peace After Realizing Nobody Actually Reads Captions
A local woman discovers her heartfelt Instagram captions have been read by literally no one, and finds the news strangely liberating.
Local Tourist Discovers Vacation Enjoyment Directly Proportional to Number of Photos Taken
Marketing coordinator documents every moment of four-day resort stay, achieving maximum vacation satisfaction through lens-based experience.
Local Woman’s Instagram Story Views Drop by Three, Declares Social Media ‘Dead to Her’
A Portland woman has sworn off social media forever after experiencing a catastrophic three-person drop in her Instagram story viewership.
Local Woman Discovers She Can Experience Emotions Without Immediately Posting About Them
A local woman shocks her social circle by experiencing a full day of emotions without posting any of them online.
Local Tourist Discovers Vacation More Enjoyable When Not Documenting Every Second for Social Media
A tourist accidentally discovered the joy of experiencing a vacation without constantly photographing it for social media.
Local Woman’s Bathroom Mirror Reportedly Feeling Inadequate After Being Bypassed for 847th Selfie This Week
A bathroom mirror struggles with feelings of inadequacy as its owner chooses smartphone selfies over traditional reflection-based photography for the 847th time this week.
Local Man’s Dating Profile Bio Reaches Critical Mass, Collapses Into Black Hole of Self-Awareness
A man’s overly complex dating profile bio has become so self-aware that scientists fear it may collapse into a singularity of existential dread.