Meteorologists at the Piedmont Regional Weather Station confirmed Tuesday that a particularly fluffy cumulus cloud hovering over Denny’s Hardware has become the subject of intense resentment among surrounding cloud formations, who describe the cloud as ‘attention-seeking’ and ‘basically just showing off at this point.’
The cloud in question, unofficially named ‘Big Gary’ by locals, has drawn crowds for three consecutive days due to its unusually symmetrical shape and tendency to catch sunlight in what witnesses call ‘a genuinely show-offy manner.’ A stratus cloud formation fifteen miles west, speaking through a translator who specializes in atmospheric moisture patterns, called the situation ‘frankly embarrassing for the rest of us who are just trying to do our jobs and produce regular, unremarkable overcast conditions.’
‘It’s exhausting,’ said Dr. Helen Bracknell, senior atmospheric scientist, who has spent the week fielding calls from concerned citizens asking if Big Gary is ‘okay’ or ‘needs anything.’ ‘People are naming it. Someone brought it flowers, which, obviously, does nothing, because it’s a cloud. But the sentiment was there.’ Bracknell added that a cold front expected Thursday will likely disperse Big Gary entirely, an event local schools are reportedly treating with the gravity of a retirement ceremony.
Not everyone is mourning the impending loss. A nearby thunderhead, described by colleagues as ‘chronically underappreciated despite doing actual weather work,’ called the whole ordeal ‘a symptom of a society that values aesthetics over substance.’ Meanwhile, a petition has begun circulating to rename the local elementary school after Big Gary, though organizers admit they have not yet worked out logistics given the cloud’s expected dissolution by Friday morning.
