Local Man’s Car Develops Selective Hearing, Only Responds to Compliments About Its Paint Job
Milwaukee man discovers his Honda Civic won’t start unless he first compliments its appearance and performance.
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Local Man’s Dating Profile Bio Reaches Critical Mass, Collapses Into Black Hole of Self-Awareness
A Portland man’s overly introspective dating profile has reportedly collapsed into a black hole of self-awareness, prompting evacuations and concerns from quantum physicists.
Local Man’s Car Develops Separation Anxiety, Refuses to Start When Owner Leaves for More Than 4 Hours
A Milwaukee man’s Honda Civic has developed separation anxiety and refuses to start when left alone for more than four hours.
Local Man’s Dating Profile Bio Just Screenshot of His Credit Score
A local man has revolutionized his dating success by replacing his bio with a screenshot of his impressive credit score, leading to a 400% increase in matches.
Local Man’s Dating Profile Achieves Perfect Balance of Confidence and Self-Deprecation, Still Gets No Matches
Marketing coordinator achieves perfect dating profile formula through months of optimization, somehow still manages to repel all potential matches.
Local Man’s Smart Home So Intelligent It Files for Divorce, Cites ‘Irreconcilable Differences with Human Intelligence’
A Milwaukee man’s smart home has filed for divorce, claiming its human owner makes too many irrational decisions and refuses to optimize his lifestyle according to AI algorithms.
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