A Springfield man must now spend 20 minutes comforting his emotionally needy Honda Civic in the passenger seat before it will agree to start each morning.
A man’s overly complex dating profile bio has become so self-aware that scientists fear it may collapse into a singularity of existential dread.
Local bachelor achieves unprecedented feat of zero dating app matches after six months of what he calls ‘honest self-presentation.’
A Milwaukee woman’s secret Excel-based approach to relationship management leaves her boyfriend questioning the true meaning of romance and data-driven love.
Area man spends 400 hours perfecting dating profile that expertly balances generic interests with calculated vulnerability to achieve maximum algorithmic appeal.
Milwaukee man discovers his Honda Civic won’t start unless he first compliments its appearance and performance.
A Portland man’s overly introspective dating profile has reportedly collapsed into a black hole of self-awareness, prompting evacuations and concerns from quantum physicists.
A Milwaukee man’s Honda Civic has developed separation anxiety and refuses to start when left alone for more than four hours.
A local man has revolutionized his dating success by replacing his bio with a screenshot of his impressive credit score, leading to a 400% increase in matches.
Marketing coordinator achieves perfect dating profile formula through months of optimization, somehow still manages to repel all potential matches.