MILWAUKEE, WI – Local resident Marcus Thompson reports that his 2019 Honda Civic has developed what automotive experts are calling “emotional dependency disorder,” refusing to start unless Thompson first acknowledges how good it looks in the morning sunlight.
The peculiar behavioral shift began three weeks ago when Thompson absent-mindedly complimented the vehicle’s “really nice blue finish” while fumbling for his keys. Since then, the car has consistently failed to start until Thompson provides verbal affirmation about its appearance, maintenance, or general automotive excellence.
“At first I thought it was just coincidence, but now I have to tell it that its headlights are ‘bright and welcoming’ every single morning,” Thompson explained while gently patting his vehicle’s hood. “Yesterday I was running late and tried to just get in and go, but it wouldn’t even let me put the key in the ignition until I mentioned how clean I keep the interior.”
Dr. Jennifer Walsh, a professor of Automotive Psychology at the Milwaukee Institute of Technology, believes this may be the first documented case of a vehicle developing self-esteem issues. “We’re seeing a clear pattern of validation-seeking behavior,” Walsh noted. “The car has essentially trained its owner to provide positive reinforcement through intermittent starting schedules.”
Thompson admits he’s considering trading in the vehicle, but reports that whenever he mentions this possibility aloud, his windshield wipers activate spontaneously.
