Local Scientists Discover Fish That Can Read, Immediately Regret Teaching It About Taxes
A groundbreaking literacy experiment on a carp named Gerald takes a dark turn once he discovers the concept of income tax.
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Scientists Discover Procrastination Is Actually Just Time Travel in the Wrong Direction
A new study reveals that procrastination isn’t laziness — it’s a broken form of time travel that only moves people backward into repeated anxiety loops.
Scientists Discover Human Attention Span Now Shorter Than Time It Takes To Read Headline
A new study finds the human attention span has shrunk so dramatically that researchers couldn’t finish the experiment without participants wandering off.
Local Scientists Discover That Laboratory Mice Have Been Running Elaborate Ponzi Scheme for Decades
Scientists have uncovered a decades-long financial fraud scheme operated by laboratory mice, complete with promises of premium nesting materials and exclusive exercise wheel access.
Local Physicist Discovers Universe Actually Just Really Big Snow Globe on God’s Mantelpiece
Physicist claims groundbreaking research proves our entire universe exists inside a massive snow globe on God’s mantelpiece, complete with cosmic glitter and divine fingerprints.