What began as a simple Saturday afternoon plan to fix a leaky faucet has evolved, after eleven consecutive weekends, into what county surveyors are now calling ‘a permanent and possibly load-bearing sedimentary feature’ of Gary Wendleson’s kitchen. The project, originally budgeted at $40 and two hours, has since accumulated seventeen trips to the hardware store, four rented tools of increasing size, and a crater in the drywall that neighbors have started referring to as ‘the Wendleson Basin.’
Wendleson, 47, insists the project is ‘almost done,’ a phrase he has reportedly used in every conversation since early spring. ‘I just need to finish the tile, and then the plumbing, and then re-frame that wall I accidentally took out,’ he said, gesturing toward a support beam that is currently being held up by a stack of paint cans and what appears to be unwavering optimism. His wife, Denise Wendleson, has taken to eating cereal for dinner in the garage, which she describes as ‘the only room that still has electricity.’
Local contractor Phil Brannigan, who was called in for a second opinion, said he has never seen anything quite like it. ‘Structurally, it shouldn’t be standing. Spiritually, I think the house is just tired of fighting him,’ Brannigan explained, adding that he charged double just to walk through the door and immediately regret it. Brannigan noted that the faucet Wendleson originally set out to fix is, remarkably, still leaking.
Geologists from the state university have expressed interest in studying the kitchen’s rock-like buildup of spackle, sawdust, and abandoned Pinterest printouts, calling it a rare example of ‘accelerated domestic erosion.’ Meanwhile, Wendleson has already begun eyeing the bathroom for his next project, telling reporters, ‘How hard could a new shower door possibly be?’ Neighbors have started a betting pool, with the over/under currently set at fourteen months and one collapsed ceiling.
