Roosevelt Elementary School announced this week that it will be phasing out traditional recess in favor of a new program called Structured Disappointment Time, a 20-minute daily block designed to acclimate students to the realities of grown-up life. During the session, children stand in a loosely organized line while nothing happens, occasionally being told to wait five more minutes for something that never occurs.
Principal Karen Ostrowski said the idea came to her during a particularly soul-crushing hour spent on hold with her internet provider. “I realized kids today are just not prepared for the emotional labor of adulthood,” Ostrowski explained. “Recess teaches them joy and freedom. But where’s the joy and freedom in a 9-to-5? We wanted something more honest.”
The curriculum includes activities such as filling out a fake form only to be told it was the wrong form, watching a cupcake being handed to someone else at a birthday party, and sitting through a 45-minute assembly about an assembly that was canceled. Third grader Mason Higgins said he’s already noticed changes in his outlook. “I used to think things would work out,” he said, staring blankly at a wall. “Now I just wait for the other shoe to drop, and honestly, it’s kind of peaceful.”
Parents have had mixed reactions, with some praising the initiative for preparing children for tax season and others arguing that eight-year-olds shouldn’t already understand the phrase “per my last email.” The school board has approved a follow-up program for next semester titled Advanced Bureaucracy, in which fifth graders will practice renewing a driver’s license entirely through a rotary phone.
