After 1,847 attempts, countless controller-related injuries, and one particularly dark month where he considered paying a stranger on the internet $40 to finish it for him, 34-year-old accountant Greg Dillard has defeated the final boss of ‘Chronicles of Eternal Ashfall,’ a game he purchased during a pandemic lockdown that technically ended several presidential terms ago.
Witnesses describe Dillard letting out a scream so primal that neighbors called a wellness check, believing someone had either won the lottery or lost a limb. Upon finishing the boss fight, Dillard reportedly stared at the victory screen for eleven minutes in complete silence before asking his wife, ‘Wait, what was I even trying to do in this game?’
‘He hasn’t touched the controller in two years,’ said his wife, Marla Dillard, who had grown accustomed to nightly shouts of frustration echoing from the basement. ‘Then last Tuesday he just disappeared down there for six hours. I brought him a sandwich and he didn’t even acknowledge me. I thought maybe he was having a stroke, but it turns out he just remembered the game existed.’
Gaming psychologist Dr. Alan Petrosky says this phenomenon, known as ‘Completion Amnesia,’ affects an estimated 60% of adult gamers who return to unfinished titles purely out of spite. ‘The human brain cannot let an unfinished boss fight go,’ Petrosky explained. ‘It’s less about enjoying the game and more about personal vengeance against a 15-year-old game designer who clearly hated joy.’ Dillard has since uninstalled the game, stating he ‘never wants to see that flaming sword-wielding skeleton again,’ before immediately reinstalling it to ‘100% the achievements.’
