GLENVILLE WOODWORKS, a one-car garage belonging to 54-year-old Dennis Farrow, has officially become the longest-running birdhouse construction project in the tri-county area, with no end in sight. What began in March as a simple weekend craft to ‘give the sparrows something nice’ has ballooned into a 340-square-foot structure featuring three balconies, a cupola, and what Farrow insists is ‘load-bearing’ crown molding.
Neighbors say the project has consumed four Saturdays a month, two trips to the emergency room for splinter-related incidents, and roughly $2,800 in lumber, far exceeding the original $15 budget scrawled on a napkin. ‘I just wanted the chickadees to have somewhere dry to sit,’ Farrow explained while sanding a miniature staircase. ‘But then I thought, why not a widow’s walk? Birds love views.’
Farrow’s wife, Linda, confirmed that the garage can no longer fit a car, a lawnmower, or ‘basic human dignity,’ and that her husband has started referring to the structure as ‘the manor.’ She noted that he recently installed a tiny doorbell, despite the fact that birds, to her knowledge, do not ring doorbells. ‘He tells me it’s almost done every single week,’ she said. ‘I’ve stopped believing him the way you stop believing a toddler who says he didn’t eat the cookie.’
Local carpentry instructor Raymond Esposito, who briefly consulted on the project before quietly declining further involvement, described the birdhouse as ‘structurally ambitious for its intended tenants.’ He added, ‘Most birds need a hole and a roof. This thing has a mudroom. I told him the finches aren’t coming home late and tracking seed everywhere, but he wouldn’t hear it.’
As of press time, Farrow has begun researching HOA regulations in case ‘the manor’ requires its own mailbox, and has reportedly ordered a chandelier he describes as ‘proportionally modest.’
