SPRINGFIELD, OH — Area resident Marcus Thompson, 34, has been forced to restructure his entire morning routine after his 2018 Honda Civic developed what automotive psychologists are calling an “unprecedented case of vehicular codependency.”
The trouble began three weeks ago when Thompson noticed his car would only start after he spent quality time sitting in the passenger seat, speaking in soothing tones about their upcoming journey together. “At first I thought it was just a coincidence,” Thompson explained while gently patting his dashboard. “But now if I try to rush straight into the driver’s seat, she just gives me this judgmental clicking sound and refuses to turn over.”
Dr. Sarah Chen, a certified automotive therapist at the Institute for Vehicular Emotional Wellness, believes this may be the first documented case of a car requiring pre-drive bonding time. “We’re seeing an alarming trend of vehicles developing emotional needs,” Dr. Chen noted. “Just last month, we had a pickup truck that would only play country music when it was feeling nostalgic about its factory days.”
Thompson has reportedly adjusted his schedule to accommodate his car’s needs, waking up an additional 25 minutes early each day to provide the emotional support his vehicle requires. “My coworkers think I’m crazy, but honestly, once you establish that trust, she purrs like a kitten,” Thompson said, while his Honda’s headlights appeared to dim contentedly.
