Area carpenter Dale Fenwick reportedly entered a state of profound spiritual transcendence Tuesday afternoon after his stud finder beeped affirmatively on the very first attempt, a feat colleagues are calling ‘unprecedented’ and ‘possibly a sign of the apocalypse.’
Witnesses say Fenwick, 47, stood motionless for nearly four minutes, stud finder still pressed against the wall, tears welling in his eyes. ‘I’ve been doing this for twenty-two years,’ Fenwick said, still visibly shaken. ‘Twenty-two years of walking the little device back and forth like some kind of divining rod, hitting nothing but drywall and existential dread. And then, today, on the FIRST pass? I heard the beep and honestly thought my heart stopped.’
Fellow tradesmen at Miller’s Hardware, where Fenwick recounted the story to anyone within earshot for over three hours, expressed a mixture of awe and skepticism. ‘I’ve been in this business thirty years and I’ve never once found a stud on the first try,’ said master carpenter Gary Holsapple. ‘I usually just start drilling and hope for the best, same as everybody else. What Dale experienced today, that’s not luck, that’s basically a miracle you’d see in a religious text.’
Local priest Father Anthony Kowalczyk has reportedly declined to comment on whether the incident qualifies for sainthood consideration, though he did note that ‘the odds are honestly comparable.’ Fenwick says he plans to frame the stud finder and has already begun referring to the wall in question as ‘hallowed.’ He has not worked since the incident, telling reporters he needs time to ‘process what this means for the rest of my life.’
