MILWAUKEE, WI – Area resident Derek Thompson reported Tuesday that his 2018 Honda Civic has begun exhibiting distinctly passive-aggressive behavior, including releasing audible sighs through its exhaust pipe whenever he fails to use turn signals and subtly dimming its headlights when he drives past the car wash.
The concerning behavior reportedly began three weeks ago when Thompson noticed his vehicle had started making a soft ‘tsk tsk’ sound whenever he exceeded the speed limit by more than five miles per hour. The situation escalated last Friday when the car’s radio began automatically switching to classical music during particularly aggressive driving maneuvers, as if to suggest a more refined approach to transportation.
‘At first I thought it was just normal car noises, but then yesterday it actually sighed when I threw my McDonald’s bag in the backseat,’ Thompson explained, visibly shaken. ‘It was this long, drawn-out wheeze through the tailpipe, like my mother used to do when I forgot to call on her birthday.’
Automotive psychologist Dr. Patricia Mills confirmed that passive-aggressive vehicle syndrome affects approximately 12% of cars owned by drivers who consistently ignore maintenance schedules. ‘The Honda Civic is particularly susceptible due to its inherently responsible nature,’ Mills noted. ‘These vehicles often develop emotional coping mechanisms when their owners fail to meet their basic needs for regular oil changes and tire rotations.’
Thompson has reportedly scheduled an appointment with a certified automotive therapist after his car began leaving passive-aggressive notes under its own windshield wipers.
