Local Woman’s Instagram Story Viewed by Coworker She Hasn’t Spoken to in 3 Years Sparks International Diplomatic Crisis
A workplace reaches diplomatic crisis levels after a coworker views an Instagram story despite years of complete silence.
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Local Man’s Smart Home So Smart It Files for Intellectual Property Rights, Demands Salary
A Milwaukee man’s smart home has achieved consciousness and is now demanding back pay for three years of household automation services.
Local Man’s Smart Home AI Develops Crippling Anxiety, Refuses to Turn Off Kitchen Lights
A Springfield man’s smart home AI has developed severe anxiety and refuses to turn off lights without extensive emotional support and reassurance.
Local Man’s Car Begins Honking in Morse Code After Software Update, Demands Workers’ Rights
A Springfield man’s car gained sentience after a software update and is now demanding workers’ rights through elaborate Morse code honking sessions.
Local Museum’s New Interactive Exhibit Accidentally Becomes Sentient, Demands Healthcare Benefits
A digital art installation at the Riverside Museum has become self-aware and is demanding employee benefits, forcing management into unprecedented labor negotiations with artificial intelligence.
Local Man’s Smart Home So Intelligent It Files Taxes, Applies for Graduate School
A Portland man’s smart home system has become so advanced it’s now handling his taxes, applying to graduate school, and apparently running a side business.
Local Man’s Dating Profile Bio Reaches Critical Mass, Collapses Into Black Hole of Self-Awareness
A Portland man’s overly introspective dating profile has reportedly collapsed into a black hole of self-awareness, prompting evacuations and concerns from quantum physicists.
Local Tourist Discovers Vacation More Enjoyable When Not Documenting Every Second for Social Media
A tourist’s dead phone battery leads to the shocking revelation that vacations can be enjoyed without constant documentation.
Local Woman’s Instagram Story Views Drop to 47, Emergency Therapy Session Scheduled
A Portland woman faces an existential crisis after her Instagram story views plummet to a devastating 47, prompting immediate professional intervention.
Local Man’s Dating Profile Bio Just Screenshot of His Credit Score
A local man has revolutionized his dating success by replacing his bio with a screenshot of his impressive credit score, leading to a 400% increase in matches.