Sarah Mitchell, 28, completely restructured her daily existence this week after watching a 47-second video of someone named @GlowUpGuru22 drinking lemon water at 5:30 AM while doing yoga poses in matching activewear.
“I realized I’ve been waking up at 7 AM like some kind of amateur,” Mitchell explained while frantically ordering $200 worth of wellness products she’d never heard of 48 hours earlier. “This girl has 50,000 followers, so she obviously knows something I don’t. I threw out my coffee maker and bought seven different types of herbal tea.”
The revelation prompted Mitchell to abandon her previous life goals of completing her master’s degree and instead focus on achieving the perfect overhead lighting for filming herself eating overnight oats. She has since rearranged her furniture three times to optimize natural light and purchased a ring light that cost more than her monthly grocery budget.
“The old Sarah was clearly living in darkness,” said Mitchell’s roommate Jennifer Walsh, who has watched her friend document every meal, workout, and bathroom break for the past four days. “Yesterday she made me re-record her drinking a smoothie seventeen times because the straw wasn’t aesthetically pleasing enough.”
Mitchell plans to continue her transformation until she achieves what she calls “main character energy,” though she admits she’s not entirely sure what her character’s plot is supposed to be.
