A shocking investigation launched by amateur building inspector Harold Wickshire has revealed that thousands of trees throughout Maplewood County have been growing for decades without proper municipal permits, raising serious questions about regulatory oversight in the natural world.
Wickshire, 47, made the disturbing discovery while reviewing his property boundaries last Tuesday. “I was just trying to make sure my fence was regulation height when I noticed this massive oak tree that’s clearly been under construction for at least 40 years,” said Wickshire, brandishing a measuring tape. “Where’s the environmental impact assessment? The foundation inspection certificates? This is a clear violation of vertical expansion bylaws.”
The unauthorized arboreal development appears to be widespread, with preliminary surveys indicating that nearly every tree in the county lacks basic construction documentation. Many specimens have reportedly added multiple stories of branches and leaves without so much as filing a height variance request.
“We’re taking this matter very seriously,” said County Building Inspector Margaret Fosswell. “These trees have been operating as unlicensed oxygen production facilities while simultaneously running unauthorized carbon sequestration operations. The paperwork alone is going to be a nightmare.”
Local authorities are now scrambling to determine whether the trees will need to be demolished or if they can be retroactively brought into compliance through a massive permitting process expected to take several growing seasons.
