Local Man’s Attempt to Follow Recipe Results in Discovery of New State of Matter
A Springfield man’s cooking mishap has accidentally created a new state of matter that physicists say challenges the fundamental laws of physics.
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Local Farm’s Organic Vegetables Reportedly Too Pretentious to Harvest
Heritage vegetables at local organic farm have become so pretentious they’re refusing to be harvested by anyone without proper credentials.
Local Man Discovers Cooking Shows Not Actually Sufficient Substitute for Actual Cooking Skills
Three years of binge-watching cooking shows failed to prevent local man from creating what witnesses described as “aggressively sad vegetables” during his first actual cooking attempt.
Local Man’s Sourdough Starter Declares Independence, Establishes Autonomous Kitchen Zone
A Portland man’s sourdough starter has formally declared independence from his kitchen, demanding sovereignty and recruiting other fermented foods to join its rebellion.
Local Man’s Sourdough Starter Declared Independent Nation by United Nations
A man’s sourdough starter has been officially recognized as an independent nation after successfully negotiating its own sovereignty with the United Nations.
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