MILWAUKEE, WI — Local resident Marcus Chen announced this week that he has finally completed what he believed to be an exceptionally challenging video game, only to discover he had been stuck in the tutorial section for over 847 hours of gameplay.
Chen, 28, began playing “Epic Quest Chronicles: Realm of Infinite Destiny” in March and spent the better part of eight months meticulously perfecting his character’s ability to walk forward, backward, and look around. “I kept wondering why this game was getting such rave reviews,” Chen explained. “The combat system seemed really limited, and I couldn’t figure out why my inventory only had one rusty spoon in it.”
The breakthrough came when Chen’s roommate noticed the large blinking text reading “PRESS X TO CONTINUE TO ACTUAL GAME” that had been flashing on the screen since day one. “I honestly thought that was just decorative,” Chen admitted. “Like those fake ‘Download’ buttons on sketchy websites.”
Dr. Sarah Martinez, a digital media researcher at the University of Wisconsin, noted that Chen’s case represents a growing trend. “We’re seeing more players mistake elaborate tutorial sections for complete gaming experiences,” Martinez said. “Just last month, a woman in Oregon spent six months trying to ‘win’ a character creation screen.”
Chen has since progressed to the actual game, where he reports being “absolutely terrible” at combat despite his mastery of basic movement controls.
