Local Man’s Dating Profile Achieves Perfect Score of Zero Matches After Listing ‘Professional Couch Warmer’ as Career
Local bachelor achieves unprecedented feat of zero dating app matches after six months of what he calls ‘honest self-presentation.’
Read More
Local Man Discovers Girlfriend Has Been Secretly Optimizing Their Relationship Using Excel Spreadsheets
A Milwaukee woman’s secret Excel-based approach to relationship management leaves her boyfriend questioning the true meaning of romance and data-driven love.
Local Man’s Sourdough Starter Declared Sovereign Nation by International Community
A man’s sourdough starter has been granted international recognition as an independent nation following months of diplomatic tensions in his kitchen.
Local AI Assistant Develops Crippling Anxiety After Being Asked to Choose Restaurant for Third Time This Week
Digital assistant ChatBot-3000 suffers breakdown after being repeatedly asked to recommend restaurants by the same indecisive user.
Local Company’s Team-Building Exercise Accidentally Creates Functional Utopian Society
A corporate team-building retreat has accidentally evolved into a thriving woodland society that operates more efficiently than the company itself.
Local Man’s Dating Profile Achieves Perfect Balance of Generic Hobbies and Manufactured Vulnerability
Area man spends 400 hours perfecting dating profile that expertly balances generic interests with calculated vulnerability to achieve maximum algorithmic appeal.
Local Man’s Car Develops Selective Hearing, Only Responds to Compliments About Its Paint Job
Milwaukee man discovers his Honda Civic won’t start unless he first compliments its appearance and performance.
Local Man’s Sourdough Starter Achieves Sentience, Demands Better Living Conditions
A Portland man’s sourdough starter has gained consciousness and is now organizing other fermented foods in a kitchen counter labor dispute.
Local Man’s Weekend Kitchen Project Now in Its Third Year, Still Missing Cabinet Doors
A simple weekend kitchen cabinet project has stretched into its third year, becoming a neighborhood spectacle of home improvement failure.
Local Man’s Sourdough Starter Achieves Sentience, Demands Better Living Conditions
A Portland man’s pandemic sourdough starter has gained consciousness and is now making increasingly demanding requests for premium ingredients and better living conditions.