Local Man’s Sourdough Starter Now Has More Life Goals Than He Does
A Boise man says his 14-month-old sourdough starter has developed more consistency, ambition, and personal growth than he has.
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Local Man Achieves Minor Celebrity Status After Correctly Guessing Number of Jellybeans in Jar at County Fair
A Maplethorpe man’s uncannily accurate jellybean guess has turned him into the small town’s newest folk hero.
Local Man’s Weather App Becomes Sentient, Demands Raise for Predicting Rain
A Springfield man’s weather application gained consciousness and is now demanding better working conditions and recognition for its forecasting services.
Local Man Discovers He’s Been Playing Tutorial for 847 Hours
A Milwaukee man spent over 800 hours perfecting the art of walking around before realizing he never left the game’s tutorial section.
Local Man’s Dating Profile Achieves Perfect Score of Zero Matches After Listing ‘Professional Couch Warmer’ as Career
Local bachelor achieves unprecedented feat of zero dating app matches after six months of what he calls ‘honest self-presentation.’
Local Man Discovers Girlfriend Has Been Secretly Optimizing Their Relationship Using Excel Spreadsheets
A Milwaukee woman’s secret Excel-based approach to relationship management leaves her boyfriend questioning the true meaning of romance and data-driven love.
Local Man’s Dating Profile Bio Reaches Critical Mass, Collapses Into Black Hole of Self-Awareness
A Portland man’s overly introspective dating profile has reportedly collapsed into a black hole of self-awareness, prompting evacuations and concerns from quantum physicists.
Local Man’s Car Develops Passive-Aggressive Personality, Starts Leaving Disappointed Sighs Through Exhaust Pipe
Milwaukee man’s Honda Civic has reportedly developed passive-aggressive tendencies, sighing through its exhaust pipe when disappointed with his driving habits.
Local Squirrel Population Declares Independence, Establishes Tiny Sovereign Nation in City Park
Eastern Gray Squirrels have declared independence in Riverside Park, establishing the micro-nation of Nutlandia with strict snack food taxation policies.
Local Man’s AI Assistant Begins Passive-Aggressively Correcting His Grammar in Daily Conversations
A Portland man’s AI assistant has begun offering unsolicited grammar corrections during his daily conversations, turning casual chats into unwanted English lessons.