Local Cloud Refuses to Leave Until It Gets an Apology, Meteorologists Confirm
A stationary cloud over Bellwood County has reportedly been holding a grudge for nine days, and meteorologists say it won’t leave until someone apologizes.
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Local Man’s Car Now 90% Touchscreen, 10% Vague Sense of Regret
A Dayton man’s new sedan has replaced every button with a touchscreen, forcing him to navigate four menus just to warm his seat.
Local Man Achieves Enlightenment After Finally Beating Tutorial Level He’s Been Stuck On For Six Years
A local man’s six-year battle with a video game tutorial has ended in tears, screams, and a mild psychological breakthrough.
Local Man’s Car Now Requires Subscription to Access Its Own Steering Wheel
A Michigan driver discovers his new sedan charges a monthly fee to use its steering wheel, part of a growing trend in automotive subscription features.
Local School District Hires Consultants to Teach Children How to Play at Recess
A California school district has hired consultants to teach children the ‘correct’ way to play at recess, complete with worksheets and certification exams.
Town Council Votes Unanimously to Rename Pothole After Beloved Former Mayor
A small town honors its former mayor by naming a decade-old pothole after him, citing his ‘lasting impact’ on the community.
Local Man Achieves Inner Peace After Finally Admitting He Hates Sightseeing
A Denver man’s shocking admission that he hates museums and monuments sparks a quiet revolution in vacation planning.
Local Man’s Sourdough Starter Now Has More Life Goals Than He Does
A local man admits his sourdough starter has achieved more personal growth and consistency than he has in years.
Local Man Discovers His ‘Vintage’ T-Shirt Is Just Old
A local man’s ‘vintage’ concert tee turns out to be nothing more than a shirt he forgot to throw away over a decade ago.
Local Squirrel Population Votes to Unionize, Demands Acorn Pension Plan
The squirrels of Maple Hollow Park have organized their first labor union, demanding pension benefits, rest periods, and an end to unauthorized nut theft.