Local Carpenter Achieves Nirvana After Finally Finding Stud on First Try
A local carpenter’s stud finder beeped correctly on the first attempt, triggering what witnesses describe as a full spiritual awakening.
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Local Museum Adds ‘Please Touch the Art’ Wing After Realizing Nobody Was Coming to the Other 47 Rooms
A struggling art museum discovers the secret to packed crowds: letting visitors manhandle the fake sculptures.
Local Man Achieves Celebrity Status After Being Photographed Standing Near Actual Celebrity
A Tulsa plumber accidentally becomes an internet sensation after being caught mid-sneeze in the background of a celebrity photo.
Local Meteorologist Diagnosed With ‘Severe Weather Fatigue’ After Fourth Consecutive ‘Historic’ Storm This Month
A local weatherman is recovering after months of describing every drizzle and breeze as an ‘unprecedented, historic event.’
Local Man’s Smart Fridge Now Refuses to Order Groceries Until He ‘Gets His Life Together’
A Dayton man’s smart refrigerator has stopped ordering groceries and started giving him unsolicited life advice instead.
Company Institutes ‘No Meetings About Meetings’ Policy, Immediately Requires Meeting To Explain It
A company’s bold plan to cut down on meetings has, predictably, resulted in more meetings than ever before.
Downtown Restaurant’s $340 Tasting Menu Revealed to Be Exact Same Foods Available at Costco Sample Stations
A city’s most exclusive restaurant faces scrutiny after its $340 tasting menu is revealed to be identical to free samples at a wholesale club.
Local School District Replaces All Homework With ‘Vibes-Based’ Grading System
A local school district ditches homework for a new grading system based entirely on students’ ‘vibes’ and hallway presence.
Local Woman Achieves Inner Peace After Realizing Nobody Actually Reads Captions
A local woman discovers her heartfelt Instagram captions have been read by literally no one, and finds the news strangely liberating.
Scientists Discover Human Attention Span Now Shorter Than Time It Takes To Read Headline
A new study finds the human attention span has shrunk so dramatically that researchers couldn’t finish the experiment without participants wandering off.